A Day of Mixed Emotions

We have had a very sad week here in my corner of the world. A 3 year old boy was abducted-taken from his home while his parents and 7 siblings slept. For the last 3 days Search and Rescue teams, volunteers from the community, the RCMP and many others have been scouring the province for any signs of the young boy and his kidnapper. This morning I got up to go to work and was over joyed to see the news that he had been returned safe and sound. The suspect is still out there but at least this family will have some piece of mind and child to hug and kiss again. This case hit me hard, and I'm not even a parent yet.

I could not get this sweet little boy out of my mind, I can't imagine the type of person that would do something so terrible.
With the good news of the morning I drove into work, forgetting for only a moment what this day marks.
Today is the 10th anniversary and as a resident of western Canada some people would say that Sept. 11 doesn't mark much to me. They would be wrong. I am a paramedic and I am in love with a law enforcement officer. Many people just like myself and my CW were killed that day or lost someone that they loved. I can't fathom the fear and anger the people directly affected by this day have felt and still feel. What I can fathom is how much it would hurt to lose my mountie.
This year, like the previous 9 years on this day I remember how lucky I am and I think about all the lives lost that day but this year I thought of something I never have before. What about the dispatchers that day, the air traffic controllers, the 911 call takers. I wonder how their lives have changed. I wonder how many suffer from survivor's guilt, knowing they sent crews to their deaths, sitting their feeling utterly helpless as their city and home was changed forever. So today I'm remembering the people that gave their lives and the ones that weren't given a choice, but I'm also thinking about the people behind the scenes. I'm hoping you have found some sort of peace. I hope I'm not the only one thinking about you today and I'm sorry that it took this long for me to think of you, but I am today and I hope others are too.
Thank you to all the men and women that continue on their daily jobs today, because as we all know, the anniversary of 9/11 doesn't mean the phones stop ringing and the alarms stop toning. My LEO is working tonight and I will wait up for him to crawl into bed with me. I am lucky enough to hold my loved one tonight and I will never take that for granted. Please be safe out there xoxo.

Back to Reality

I am exhausted. I do not know how other police S/O's do it with children because right now it is just us two and I am already waving the little white flag. I haven't posted in a while and I left off with a dark cloud over my head. Well, a solid update is in order.
Me: I found out my DNR patient had never actually signed the DNR so my decision to start CPR was definitely warranted, and my goodness what a relief, I've been sleeping better since I heard the news.
We have had several visitors, one of which is still with us and another one on the way. CW's field trainer from out of town came down with his wife and daughter and spent a few days here. The day those visitors left we started dog sitting for one of CW's co-workers while they are out of town and this cute visitor is with us until tomorrow. The night we got the dog we had some friends over for dinner which was lovely. Then the next night we got a surprise visit from CW's brother. The very next day my mother came down to visit and we had a great day on the town complete with wine and a movie on the couch. After that I had to start moving all my stuff over to CW's house because this is the month I officially move in! So for the last 2 days I've been sorting through his crap stuff to make room for mine. I'm still not sure what to do with half of his kit. We are starting to store most of it in the closet in the office, we'll see how it works, I may need another shelf put in the garage. When I asked CW why he needed 6 tactical shirts when he goes on tac calls maybe 6 times a year his response was "hey, it's free". Men.

CW update: He went back to work and had a fairly uneventful block however he managed to earn a marvelous nickname. But I'm going to save that story for next time. It's so good it deserves its own post. His days off consisted of socializing and helping me host all the visitors. He started his block of all nights (which are the worst running from 1800-0400) but he got a terrible man cold before his second night and was off for a total of 2 nights and is now back on the streets for his last shift. I find it difficult when he calls in sick because I feel like I'm getting extra hours with him but he feels so 'blah' that he isn't the same. I have this list of things to get done and I start to feel cheated that he isn't helping me on his days off. I just have to remind myself that in his mind, the sniffles might actually kill him so I made him some soup and catered to his every need.
HA! Yeah right, I got him some canned soup and some gatorade and continued vacuuming around his feet.


So for now I leave you this video. CW isn't nearly this bad but it is funny all the same!